In September I wrote a blog called ‘Antisocial Media’, about my negative and wholly unhealthy relationship with my Bird Therapy Twitter account. This week I found myself having another Twitter meltdown and once again it led to me questioning what it is about social media that I find so difficult to manage.
Fundamentally, it’s my obsessive tendencies and delusions of grandeur that start the negative cycle. I post something, believing that I have a given right for it to be popular and therefore, when it doesn’t prove to be – I take it as some kind of personal attack. This is a mixture of the paranoia and inflated sense of responsibility that come with my mental health issues.
I received some feedback on my writing that I perceived as negative (although principally it wasn’t) and this led to me rapid-fire posting on Twitter to seek reassurances on what I’ve been doing. I then couldn’t cope with the lack of response and interaction that I received and my mood and anxieties spiralled downwards.
I came to a realisation that I had become reliant on Twitter for social interaction and reassurance. This was the reason I came off Facebook five years ago and it just isn’t a healthy way to be. I kept checking my Twitter repeatedly – obsessively – so much, in fact, that when I removed the Twitter application from my phone I had an involuntary reflex to go to the space that was left on my phone.
So, I’ve made a decision to stop posting on Twitter over Christmas and spend this time re-evaluating why I’m writing and exploring the topic. I hope that this can help me to maintain a more positive approach to social media. Hopefully I will return stronger and more in control of it.